Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimized by…yourself.
If that sounds familiar, you’re definitely not alone. Negative self-talk can be sneaky, creeping into our thoughts when we least expect it. Whether it’s the little voice telling you that you’re not good enough or that something will inevitably go wrong, it can be hard to escape. The good news is negative self-talk doesn’t have to control your life. There are simple, practical ways to recognize it, stop it, and swap it with positivity. Keep reading to learn how to take control of your inner dialogue and flip the script to be your own biggest fan.
Common Signs of Negative Self-Talk
Negative self-talk manifests in a variety of ways. By recognizing these patterns, you can begin to challenge them and create healthier thought habits. Here are some of the most common types:
- Filtering: This happens when you focus solely on the negative aspects of a situation, ignoring any positive parts. For example, after finishing a big school project, you might think, “I finished this HUGE project, but I still have so much other homework to do…” Instead of celebrating the accomplishment, you’re stuck fixating on the next task. This filtering mindset can leave you feeling drained and defeated.
- Personalizing: When something goes wrong, you automatically blame yourself. An example might be thinking: “They cancelled last minute. I must have done something to upset them.” This type of thinking assumes that you’re always at fault, even when the situation is outside your control. It can lead to unnecessary guilt and stress.
- Catastrophizing: This is when you expect the worst possible outcome to happen in any situation. It might sound like, “If I fail this test, I’m going to flunk out of school and be a failure forever.” Catastrophizing can cause you to spiral into fear, making small challenges feel overwhelming and insurmountable.
- Polarizing: In this type of thinking, you see things as either completely good or completely bad, with no middle ground. For example, “If I’m not perfect, I’m not good enough.” This black-and-white thinking can set you up for disappointment because you’re measuring your success on unrealistic, all-or-nothing standards.
How to Swap Positivity for Negativity
Once you recognize when negative self-talk is happening, the next step is to replace those thoughts with more positive, empowering ones. Here’s how you can start shifting your mindset:
- Be Your Own Best Friend
Would you ever talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself in moments of self-doubt? Probably not. The first step in breaking negative self-talk is to treat yourself with the same kindness and encouragement you would offer a friend. If you wouldn’t say it to someone you care about, don’t say it to yourself. Practice speaking gently, compassionately and kindly to yourself. - Challenge the Thought
When a negative thought pops up, pause and evaluate it. Is it rational? Is it based on facts, or is it exaggerated? Respond with a positive, reality-based affirmation to counter it. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, “I’m so bad at this,” challenge it by saying, “I’m learning and improving every day.” The more you practice this, the easier it will become to interrupt negative thinking. - Practice Gratitude
Gratitude has been shown to significantly improve mental health by shifting focus from what’s going wrong to what’s going right. Make it a habit to list things you’re grateful for – big or small – each day. You can keep a gratitude journal or simply take a moment before bed to reflect. Over time, this practice rewires your brain to notice the positive, helping you fight negativity before it takes hold.
Positive Affirmations to Keep on Hand
When negative self-talk pops up, it’s important to have some affirmations ready to counter those thoughts. Positive affirmations can help shift your mindset and remind you of your strengths, abilities and worth. Here are a few to keep on hand for when you need a quick boost:
- I can do hard things.
- I am enough as I am.
- It’s okay to try again.
- Doing by best is enough.
- It’s going to be okay.
- I can learn from this.
- I’m proud of myself.
Negative self-talk is a habit, but like any habit, it can be broken. By recognizing the signs of negative self-talk, challenging those thoughts and replacing them with positive affirmations, you can improve your mindset. Remember: you are enough, and you deserve to treat yourself with the same kindness and respect you offer others.
Source: Mayo Clinic